Thursday, April 26, 2012

Will It Ever Get Better ?

Sam got sick again.... I don't know whether it's a weakened immune system from being premature or just because he's exposed to so many germs.

Everyone has been giving me tips and advice which I really appreciate, but none of it works.
He's been coughing for over a week now and yet when we went to the doctor she said it was a virus and it would stop. no sign of that yet!

I should probably explain that Sam is special needs, he has developmental delays in many area's including speech and motor skills. He also has a reduced mental age of half what it should be. (He's 4 but has mental age of a 2 year old) He isn't potty trained because he cant consistently tell us that he needs to go.

He has epilepsy which is finally under control after 3 years of trying but so many meds daily. He cant/wont ? walk flat footed and is prone to accidents because of it.

<----- Night time medication

I love my little guy to pieces but i feel out of my depth, I feel like I'm drowning. Hes always sick or injuring himself and it breaks my heart that i cant fix him.

so far this year i think we've had 4 non sick weeks, 1 case of bacterial pneumonia, countless coughs and colds. we probably should have bought stocks in Kleenex and PediaCare. We've had countless minor accidents the latest few include walking in to a corner wall and falling on to his train set which has resulted in a train track imprint across his butt check :(

 <--- Our trip to the ER

now I feel bad because Sam is not only sick and cant sleep a full night without coughing but he's waking the rest of the house too. I wish I could take him away for a few days so everyone could get some sleep.

I haven't slept properly or in my bed since January when Sam got his pneumonia, but I don't care about me. I can manage on little sleep but things have got to start getting better soon because I just cant cope.
I wish I knew what I was doing wrong, or how to do things better.

Le Sigh.....

Thursday, March 15, 2012

So Jealous

I am so happy for my sister in law and her husband, they finally got out of a shitty neighborhood where drive-by’s have happened and now are renting a gorgeous house in a awesome suburb.

I wish them luck not that they will need it and know that they will live a happy life together there for the foreseeable future.

(as long as V does as he’s told Winking smile)


however all their wonderful stuff makes me incredibly jealous and semi depressed. I had hopes of getting our own place be it an apartment or rented house by now. Don’t get me wrong I am happy beyond belief for them and appreciate what I have but now I want my own.



I miss being able to walk around naked or stay up all night or pass out on the couch in my underwear, You know the small stuff.



I’d like somewhere I can relax and maybe have a TV and the interwebs. I’d like to be able to play music out loud and dance around the room.

I know I have to do something and I am going to apply at every place I can think of, in the small hopes of getting an interview. I’ve got to have some freedom. I’ve got to do this for Me, For Sam and For Ben.


So congratulations R & V you deserve it !! expect me couch surfing soon Smile Love you guys !

Tuesday, January 31, 2012

What's your Excuse

I’d like to bring something to your attention.

My Twitter friend Jessi @Jbenj219 has Cystic Fibrosis and in 2011 she was hospitalized so many times i lost count… 2012 hasn’t been any easier on her.

Jessi was admitted again yesterday, and was in some pain today.
To Quote her tweet "Being moved to the Intensive Special Care Unit (ISCU). A level of care between ICU and regular floor.

She tweets and she blogs which i read and always hope the next post will be “guess what i got today!” but She is waiting for a double lung transplant and the wait is long…. for some too long :(

Jessi is Smart, Funny, Brave and a Fighter.. she will not let this disease get the better of her. Please read her blog for examples of her courageousness.
So as she waits for her transplant, Think about Organ donation. Whats stopping you? you could save up to 8 lives by donating your organs

“Someone is added to the transplant list every 11 minutes! Each day, about 77 people receive organ transplants. However, 19 people die each day waiting for transplants that can’t take place because of the shortage of donated organs. Organ transplantation has become an accepted medical treatment for end stage organ failure”

So Save a life and help someone else live #BreatheEasy